how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
