I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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