i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
