Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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