I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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