I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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