Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
