Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
