I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
