Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
