Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Holy sore nipples Batman
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
