"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
