I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
