Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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