At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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