Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize