I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
