Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
