i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
