So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
