John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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