Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize