I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
