Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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