woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
