It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
did i just pee glitter
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
