i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
