you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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