How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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