About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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