i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
