My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
