Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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