Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
