The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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