They should really pass out barf bags in church
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
