I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
