Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
