Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
