there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
