sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
