You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
