So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
