we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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