My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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