my shit smells like andre
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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