I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
