Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
