So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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