i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize