I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
