Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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