You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
