Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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