No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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