Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
