shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And then my night got REAL pukey
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
