Im at strip club and am horny
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize