problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
