dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
