Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
