apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
stop calling my apartment porn island.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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