all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
