It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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