well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh god it's open bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
