U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
