Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
