This girl is more easily done than said...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
