so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You don't make any sense
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