weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
