does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
