I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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