pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
