Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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