Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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