The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
